everything all of the time.

"When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream.
But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous."

i feel like once you see it, there is no going back.
nothing ever appears like it used to.
and though at times dreaming about anything else feels absurd and unrealistic, death is inevitable; and sometimes it's the only thing i'm sure of.
i've certainly felt happiness, and do so on a daily basis, but it is fleeting.
death is concrete.
when death comes it won't make you fall in love then leave you for its ex-lover.
death doesn't ignore your text messages or forget to call.
it rips the rug out from under your feet and sets fire to it.
maybe your bare toes will be on a clean, hardwood floor.
or maybe you'll have to look at that stain on the carpet again.

sure, you're still standing...


but christ that rug was beautiful.