all of these lines across my face tell you the story of who i am.

i am right where i should be.

los angeles is different this time; it always is.

aside from being here to see laura ('s beach) and geoff there have always been other things.
last march i needed to be away from someone. it was getting to be too much for me to handle mentally and emotionally, and the coast always seemed(seems) to help me find solace in this whirlwind and somewhat clusterfuck of a life.
i don't want to go into detail of how last summer was. but i did have someone waiting for me to come home. which i know now kept me going.

yesterday while on the plane i realized that i don't really have either of those this time.
i'm not escaping anyone or anything in ohio, and no one in ohio is waiting for me and missing me and writing me letters while i'm away.
no one is here in los angeles making my life fucking weird.

i am here to enjoy myself.
and to reconnect with myself.
i fear work has kept me from doing both of those things.

everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

but i know it won't last.

it ain't like i'm not on your side.

Hey. (Real quick - I don't want to 'bother' you during conf week!)

What I'd like to do - I like to tear up the check you gave me for your bills (it is noted as paid {I have not cashed it yet}) - out of it, you could use whatever to buy your book(s) for your class and with the remainder buy yourself a conference outfit or two!!!

I love you.
xo




i don't know if my dad knows how much this email cheered me up.
i love you, dad.

my heart just hurts.

nothing gets crossed out.

any to do list i make gets lost amongst all of the other notes floating around my purse and apartment.

i need to:
organize my notes and reminders to myself.
organize my coupons.
organize and shred old bills and pay stubs (i hate the word 'stub').
close my bank account with kemba.
buy my plane ticket to paradise.
pay my electric bill.
call my boss and ask to get new moisturizer from the dublin spa.
finish the mailing to my clients.
write ashley a letter.
take my mustard bath.
finish the dress i started for brian and emily's wedding.
jaxen's baby blanket and diapers.