you are at the top of my lungs.

my closest friends have been making appearances in my dreams lately.
two nights ago aimee was on a t.v. show in my dream, and when i got off work (in real life) she called me.
two nights ago joe was telling me about his job, and i dreamt he took a new one.
last night i was telling nicholas about mine and rose's friendship and how her madtv stuart impression was one of the occurences that solidified our relationship.!. so, i dreamt of her. i sent her an email this morning.
...the kicker was my dream about laura. they just get more and more real. and i don't know how to feel about it. i remember when i wake up and all i want is to curl up and not leave my bed until she comes back.
i forget most of it and the situation in the dream, but i do remember at the end i told her that i really missed talking to her and i have a lot of things that i want to ask her.

then i asked her if she could just come in my dreams more so we could still talk.

goddamnit.

is your daddy a fireman? he's probably big. is he a wrestler?

1:23 is the best part of the movie. hands down.


when did stefani drootin start playing with she & him?
i mean i guess it makes sense.
buh.




fucking suri.
presh to def.


before my mom moved she told me that i was her best friend.
i consider her mine, but often times i question where i stand with her, at least in comparison with my brother.
i'm moving into my second apartment the end of this month, and she hasn't said one thing about the next time she'll be down for a visit-- let alone the mention of helping me move or seeing my new place. she didn't see my first apartment for probably two months after i got it. yet, when my brother moved out in march she was here the entire weekend cleaning and getting things ready for him.
i think i'll always carry a hint of bitterness because she left. not because she made a bad decision, but moreso for my own selfish reasons in wanting my mother to reside in the same city as i do. fuck it, maybe even the same state.
i don't know.
i had a bit of a deja vu this week as i was shopping for work clothes. and by deja vu i mean all of it really happened. four years ago i was crying in the makeup aisle at target trying to pick things out for prom. i wasn't going to prom with my friends, so it wouldn't make sense that we would all be shopping together, besides, we didn't even go to the same school. earlier this week i was at tuttle crossing mall trying to find clothes that were professional but didn't make me look like i was 45 years old. i was also trying to decipher if clothes were versatile enough to be worn at both jobs, and if they would be a good investment. it just would have really helped to have my mom there i guess. this time was a little different though because amidst the height of my frustration, jenna came.
i'm sorry, i didn't mean to yell. i'm having a bad week, and i miss my mom.

there are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass.

not that the opportunity ever presented itself, but i wish that i would have worked out with bela and marta karolyi at least once.
i also wish that my old coach wasn't a hag and quit before nationals.
i qualified for them, but i didn't have a coach to take me.
so it goes.

we were the wear in my favorite shirt.

maria taylor's new album has grown on me more than i had anticipated.
when i read that her and andy lemaster did an album together i was psyched, until i realized it was mainly preexisting songs of hers only done differently. they're a little slower, which is what took some getting used to. i love them now, and the few orginal songs are refreshingly good.
other than savannah drive, i got the conor oberst solo album.
both nancy and jeffrey said they weren't too crazy about it at first, but i instantly loved it.
don't know why.
it's a good cd to take a shower to.

california was very good, very tiring, but very good.
we accomplished everything that we had intended too, and on top of that i got to see geoff almost daily for two weeks.
the entire godfrey family just brings this sort of comfort with them whereever they go. i'm sure i feel so strongly since i've been around them since i was five or six years old, but it's reassuring to know that they are still a part of my life, and that i am a part of theirs.

my apartment got leased out to someone else, so i'm currently apartment hunting. i'm going to check one out tomorrow after work; the building is behind/on the same street as jenna's new building. i really hope that it works out.
i started my new job.
i have a substantial amount of stuff to do at my other job.
i talked to david earle on the phone for a little bit tonight, and shared with him that i feel like i'm becoming a grown ass woman. he told me that ever since he had me in class he knew that i was a grown ass woman. depite his relocation to pensacola and the fact that his cat is still a bitch, it was flattering coming from someone as cool and intelligent as him.

currently, i am babysitting at a house with three angels. the five year old, jesse, says the most precious things.
we were sitting on the couch watching noggin, and she scooted super close to me, so i put my hand on her head and kissed her forehead.
she just looked up at me and said, "i put that from my forehead to my cheek because that's where i keep my kisses." before i put her to bed, she gave me an eskimo kiss and a kiss on my forehead. i said, "thanks, honey!" and her response was, "umm, remember when you used to call me girlfriend?!"
she cut her own hair for the first time a couple of weeks ago.
perfection.


glad odie made it out the night before we left for california!


the first night in the studio.


reppin'.


probably one of my favorites from the trip.
(don't tap where you shit.)


outside ucb theatre.


family.


prom.


yay girlfriend!


dave's going away gift from march.
pre- pinkberry date.


thanks uncle mike, vanessa, and jw!


last morning in the studio before we left!


myspace.com/nicolivan


jw is platinum blonde now, fyi.


phantom camera.


mary lynn is 20 years old.


threw up indian food that night.


back at home with my best friend!


took mary lynn's hair virginity.


what the hell?


my camera stayed like this for a whole three minutes.


phantom tits.

also, last sunday rob from new jersey was in town to play a show.
we met on his 21st birthday; i was seventeen years old.
this was the last time (before last week) that i had seen him.
it was taken in silverlake; i was eighteen years old.